I Blew It!

Well. I blew it.

I brought something to the nurse’s attention.  She played dumb.  She got defensive.  Dad tried stepping in but she just wouldn’t stop and said she was going to leave.  Then, she left.

The agency told me to shut up and stop complaining.  But I stuffed things in long enough.

This is what happens when I stuff my emotions in and not be allowed to say anything.

First, she accidentally hit the dog with my chair.  Obviously accidental.  I wouldn’t have said anything, but on the way to the door to take me outside, she pushes the chair at full speed towards the dog who was lying by the door waiting.  My poor puppy barely made it out of the way.  That’s what was needed to be addressed.

I’m sorry.  You don’t do that to my dog.  Especially since it is the one who can’t get up fast.

This is what I typed to my nurse:

The first time the dog had opportunity to move.  Completely accidental contact.  But going to the door pushing my chair at full speed towards an old dog who has trouble getting up is not cool.  You didn’t tell her to move but you didn’t have to.  If you would have waited two seconds, she would have been on her feet and ready to go out like she always does.

The nurse said she didn’t know what I was talking about.  Which made me mad.  I verbally tried to clarify.  She understood my words but still played dumb.  I said, “Go ahead.  Play dumb, as always.”

Then, she starts raising her voice.

I said, “F#@k you.”  It didn’t help.

My dad tried to tell us both to calm down.  She gets louder.  Big mistake.  The rest happened fast.

The case worker came over in an half hour.

And to think, I was saying something, so my emotions wouldn’t explode.  I am trying to remind myself that I can’t control other people’s responses but I am responsible for my response to her response.

Thinking through what happened, I swerved off the road the moment I attacked her by calling her dumb.  I definitely drove into the ditch with the F bomb.

Time to stop. I blew it.  Time to go to the Word.  (I should have remembered these scriptures an hour ago.)

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  ~Ephesians 4:26-31

In other words, sometimes, I am not too bright.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. ~James 1:19-20

What was my excuse for not doing God’s desires?

Control your temper,
for anger labels you a fool. ~Ecclesiastes 7:9

Fools vent their anger,
but the wise quietly hold it back. ~ Proverbs 29:11

Meet Dwight Eldred Jr, the fool.

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One thought on “I Blew It!

  1. Hello, my name is Kimberly McCarthy and I also am a fool. I am not sure you will meet too many human beings who do not have a human condition that becomes foolish. The best of the human beings are the ones who don’t quit, who stay and work things out, who acknowledge their error and begin growing through to change it up. I know God has already forgiven you and I totally know He doesn’t look at you as a fool. I am praying that God will give you a nurse with better eyesight and a pure heart that does look out for animals, then you don’t have to worry about voicing your consternation, which by all means was okay, until you hit that slippery slope of reaction instead of response. Reaction is definitely finite. Response come from the inside of a heart after God, and response takes more time. One thing I always pray about is to not be “impulsive”. I am Italian, so that takes a miracle. But I have seen them. God is good. God bless you Dwight and thanks for being so honest.

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