This Tuesday, I have been asked to sit before my recovery group and give my testimony. I have the words programmed into my computer. (My computer will do the talking for me.) Just in case people find it hard to follow my Stephen Hawkins style voice, I have the words and pictures made up and ready to be put on the big screen thru the ProPresenter in church.
It feels a little insane that at the same time that God, through my disability, took away more of my speech, He also allowed me to communicate more through this blog, my recovery group, and now this testimony.
Before this year, my addiction kept me quiet through guilt and shame. But this year, there are no more dirty little secrets.
Before this year, I felt like garbage. Now, alive and free.
Even though you and I are learning more about me this year, God knew about it all along.
It says in Psalm 139, ” O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far way….You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me.”
Even when I pushed God away by doing porn, God was always there.
“I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence!”
Boy, am I glad about that. I want to reach for God’s expectations. It becomes easy because the Holy Spirit helps.
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous — how well I know it.”
I hope and pray that my testimony on Tuesday will reflect God’s workings in me.