I have been given the opportunity to see how much I have grown over the last year. Unfortunately, it is at someone else’s expense, physically at least.
My dad is (hopefully it will be in the past tense by the time anyone reads this) in the hospital because of high blood pressure and A-fib. Basically, A-fib is an abnormal heart rhythm characterized by rapid and irregular beating (Wikipedia). If it goes untreated it could lead to a stroke.
In order to stop this irregularity he is going to have an ablation where they are basically going to burn off the cardiac tissue that is causing the abnormal electrical activity in the heart.
If someone who knows more about this is reading this, please correct any inaccurate information I may have given. If you’re really that interested you can find information on Wikipedia.
At the beginning of last year both of my parents took turns being in and out of the hospital. They should have installed a revolving door. I didn’t handle things too well, internally at least.
I put up a good front but inside I was filled with worry. With each hospital stay I drew further and further away from God. I wasn’t conscious of it but I began to not trust Him.
I kept my mind busy but it was by vegging out on TV, junk basically. I had one person who would talk to me when they could. Unfortunately I looked at some porn and indulged in fantasy to numb the pain and worry. There is nothing wrong with keeping your mind off of things with TV and friends but not if it’s at the expense of your relationship with God.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – Matthew 6:33
I don’t think I did one thing to stay close to God. The first hospital stay or two I did do a little bible reading but not much.
It was during this time that I needed Him the most but I turned my back on Him. Things were not going the way I wanted. Things weren’t getting better fast enough for my taste.
I forgot some important truths about God. I forgot that His ways and His timing are not like ours.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. – Ezekiel 55:8-9
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. – 2 Peter 3:8
What is different now? Don’t worry I’m not going to retell the story of my hitting rock bottom and starting recovery. If you didn’t read that post you can find it by scrolling down after this post. It was sometime during the last month.
I no longer am polluting my mind with lustful thoughts and pornography. I have numerous people to hold me accountable. I can also contact these men if I begin to struggle. Most importantly I have a strong foundation in Christ.
As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” – Luke 6:47-49
The above is a perfect explanation of why things are different this time. It is always scary when a loved one is in the hospital, especially with cardiac issues. Concern is a natural and healthy reaction but worry can cause all sorts of physical and spiritual problems. It is only the realization of God having things under control that can keep our concern from turning into worry.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. – Matthew 10:29-31
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7