There is supposed to be freedom in confession, here is my confession. I am a porn addict, a recovering porn addict.
At the time this is being published I have been porn free for 148 days just shy of 5 months. I have tried many times in the past to get free. The longest I have gone is one year but would average three or four months before relapsing.
This time feels different. This time is different. Why?
First, for the first time my addiction had tangible consequences. It cost me a relationship with a great woman. She might not have known I was having a problem but I’m sure my attitude change was obvious.
Second, I realize I can’t fight this alone. I’ve tried. I have an accountability partner who isn’t afraid to tell me I’m full of it when I’m trying to make excuses or start whining.
Third, and most importantly, I am fully realizing the forgiveness, mercy, grace and love of God. It took me awhile to get to that point because there is a lot of shame involved.
I don’t want to make this sound like it’s been easy. It has been anything but easy. The first two or three months were murder, a constant battle. I won’t get into details or specific tools I use today. This is a blog not a book.
I will tell you pornography isn’t about sex. It’s about validation. This video clip says it better than I can.
For me it started as curiosity about the opposite sex as a teenager. Somewhere along the line it became a coping mechanism. It was what I turned to when I was stressed, when I was lonely and when I felt worthless.
And this post is just the Reader’s Digest version. More to follow.